I’ve been debating whether to do a sex advice blog for a minute now and I just decided to take a crack at it. For this post I’ve compiled a list of the best, alright and worst types of sex, ten being the worst and one being the best. And no this isn’t going to involve love making deep spiritual connection type sex, I’m talking lip biting, back scratching, juices flowing, spanking, break the headboard type sex. So if you like share, comment, debate, discuss and spread the love!
10. Shower Sex: By far thee worst sex you will ever have! The shit is extra frustrating, dangerous and is nothing like how it is in movies. First off there are only two possible positions: doggy (bent over or against the wall) and the missionary lift up against the wall. With these two positions there is an uneven distribution of water so the water splashing in one person’s face probably throwing off the stroke all while trying to balance and not slip in the shower. Also the bath mats do not help, it’s only more slippery. Nobody really does the most and swings on shower rods like Mimi, it’s far too risky plus you don’t want to end up on an episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER. There is not enough room for proper leg spreading in the doggy style position, well at least in an average bathtub, you basically need one of those luxurious showers with the side seat and shower heads spread throughout to achieve semi decent fucking space, which about 99% of us can’t afford *Occupy The Shower*. The shower is to get clean, a shower is personal, maybe you can try some surfboard ish in a big ass bathtub but leave shower sex to movies and pornos.
9. First Time Sex: So this counts for two situations, losing your virginity or your first time with a new partner both are equally awkward. This is just with my experience maybe some have had awesome first time encounters but it’s usually a lot of pressure unless you are high/drunk. Losing your virginity sucks of course for women because it’s painful and for guys it usually lasts less than 5min so it’s a lose-lose situation. The first time with a new partner is also awkward. You don’t know exactly what each other really likes but you try to live up to all the shit you were talking during sexting session so there’s a lot of pressure. Thus both or one of you tries wayyyyy to hard (usually the guy) and ends up just being a turn off. So yeah first times suck, maybe by the 2nd or 3rd time you guys get more in sync and are able to exceed expectations but it rarely happens the first time.
8. Quickies: They’re like snickers when you’re horny, they’re good for the moment, and they get the job done. No real foreplay, lasts 10min or less and you can usually get in one or two positions before climaxing. Quickies are also good during breaks at the job, before you have an appointment, before the kids wake up, etc. Like I said quickies are alright they are the snickers before you get some real food because you aren’t yourself when you’re horny.
7. “We shouldn’t be fucking” Sex: For those who get off on thrill in their life…and guilt. This type of sex is awesome and tempting but after you cum you are immediately hit with that “what have I done?” feeling. This type of sex usually involves an ex you know you shouldn’t be fucking, a friend or someone else’s BF/GF. It’s the off limits feeling that gets you horny and the sex is usually off the chain but the regret afterwards clouds your conscious, well until you get tempted again then you feel a sudden case of YOLO again *sigh* this one is a hard sex cycle to break (pun intended).
6. Public Sex: Also for those who like to live dangerously and enjoy thrill, public sex is for you. Back when we were in high school, this is the only sex you can have because you can’t try shit in your parents’ house but as an adult public sex is like an extreme sport. From the car, to the park to the movie theater, public sex is fun… at least the first two times after that you lowkey feel like this isn’t fun anymore I’m not trying to get fined for this or a little like a prostitute… well that might work too if you’re into role play. The thrill of possibly getting caught makes the sex even better, it is fun to try once in a while… don’t be boring!
5. Masturbation: I’m all about the self-love baby!! This is the only type of sex guaranteed to make you cum!! Yes it’s by yourself but masturbation is very important to your personal sexual knowledge of self which helps when you are having sex with your partner. Masturbation helps you get in tuned to your body and figuring out what makes you cum. Now it’s kinda cut and dry for guys, a stroke is a stroke is a stroke, any stimulation to the penis is going to lead to an orgasm, but for us ladies it’s not that easy, our vaginas are a lot more complicated. As a teen I upgraded from dry humping pillows to real masturbation and taught myself about how my vagina works and what makes me cum. A lot of it is more than physical it’s mental, this discovery has helped my sex life so much. For guys it can help them last longer with their partner if they rub one out before a sex session. But ultimately women need to get in touch with themselves to be able to cum during sex. When you realize what you like and what gets you there you can help guide the sex session to get you there. You cannot have great sex if you don’t masturbate.
4. No Holds Barred Freaky Sex: When 50 Shades of Grey has nothing on you, this is your favorite type. By the way 50 Shades was lame AF!! No choke-stroke, didn’t take a nut to the face, no face riding?! I was appalled that this movie was called kinky smh. Anyway no holds barred sex can involve handcuffs, whips, blindfolds, swings, extreme positions, it’s a whole new level of kink that people rarely explore. The feeling of dominating or being submissive during sex is turn on within itself, being aggressive and having control or freeing yourself of all inhibitions and losing control. Venturing between the lines of pain and pleasure, trying new things, just remember your safe word: Pineapples!
3. Intoxicated Sex: When you are free of any inhibitions, the freak level goes 0 to 100 real quick. Disclaimer: When you are drunk or high you can also make horrible mistakes (no Cosby situation) but let’s just talk best case scenario when you’re with the person you want or are currently fucking. Intoxicated sex can lead to the most interesting sex scenarios like threesomes, sex in strange places or even sex competitions. When you’re drunk or high it opens the door to infinite euphoria, YOLO and orgasms at least until you pass out. Waking up to a blunt and morning sex after a night of drinking and fucking is awesome by the way.
2. Morning Sex: What is so great about morning sex you ask? Everything!!! Breakfast in bed, breakfast and head, who doesn’t want to wake up like this. It’s really the best way to invigorate each other and get you up and ready to seize the day. It’s great for your health too, basically like getting a good workout at the start of your day. Even if you don’t want to get too vigorous in the morning my personal fave is that 4AM slide the panties to the side spoon fuck position. The best lazy sex ever!!! Studies show that men are at their horniest in the morning hence the term morning wood. So if you want some good D the AM hours are the best time to get it. The best part of waking up isn’t Folgers in your cup…
1. Birthday Sex: The number one best type of sex on the list is Birthday Sex, because it is awesome. I mean come on there’s even a song about it! Birthday sex is the have it your way of sex, nothing is off the table and your partner is very willing to make your birthday special. You can demand your favorite positions, playlist, places, maybe food in some cases (Let them eat your cake *wink*). If you are lucky to have great birthday sex it’s always a surprise to top the year before. This is also the only type of sex on the list that you can have every type on this list during that day and bday sex holds a special place in my heart❤️ which is why I ranked it number one.
*Honorable Mention: Mirror Sex and Skype/Phone Sex: Mirror sex could’ve been high on the list but Elite Daily already did a piece on everything great about it that pretty much covered everything I had to say. In short it’s like making your own porno without the leftover evidence for a sexy tape scandal. Skype sex is cool if you’re in a long distance relationship and it’s an upgrade from those days of phone sex back in the day. Yes we remember those days back we were teens having phone sex with your BF/GF and talking all the freaky shit y’all would do to each other at school. Mannnn I was awesome at phone sex, I wonder how much do phone sex operators make, how does one apply for these jobs because chillllle lol.
Peace & Love,